I was checking my e-mail today, and a link on the page caught my attention. It said something like "Watch the Bachelor season finale SHOCKER!" I hate that fucking show and all other shows like it with a passion. But, because the headline claimed some kind of "shocker" I fell for it like a fucking idiot. I thought to myself "I can spend a minute of my life watching The Bachelor if someone is going to get royally fucked." In the back of my mind I was hoping that this "shocker" had something to do with the chick who gets picked revealing that she's really a lesbian, and that she just came on the show to fuck with the structure, bring down the babylon and punk everybody out, and that she would rant & rave about how fucked reality TV shows are, and maybe they'd even get security on her. I'd get to watch Joe Lonely try to calculate the proper response that says 'manly, yet contemplative!' AT LEAST I was hoping for something like he gets attacked and nearly has his eyes clawed out by angry, scorned reality TV star wannabe.
So what did I get? This nondescript, almost handsome "guy next door" looking country-fried hick, getting all weepy with another bumpkin while he blabbered predictable shit like "I hate to lose you," and then proceeded to lose her. The dude doesn't pick either girl. So what? It still looked exactly like you thought it would. There aren't enough colorful adjectives in the world to save a show like that from choking on it's own vomit, because you can't polish a turd. No matter how hard you try. Isn't it sad how many things in life are consistently EXACTLY HOW YOU EXPECT THEM TO BE?
It's my own fault. That's what I get for believing even for a second that there could be anything close to "shocking" happening on "reality" TV.
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